Out of the closet...

I've decided to reveal my not-too-hidden identity, and those of my family. So without further ado, let me introduce us.

I'm Heather, which you probably already know. I enjoy expensive meals and long walks on the beach. Actually I'm kind of boring. I like to sew, which I'm just learning how to do, and crochet, which I'm really pretty good at. I'm impassioned about a bunch of things, and have been known to blabber on about them here.

My manly lug of a husband is Vic. We've been married for 10 years. He's into engines and is currently rebuilding a 1980 Honda Goldwing, hopefully in time for him to actually ride it this summer. Vic is my complete opposite in most areas but despite this fact is still a pretty smart guy.

My son Chad is 10. He's very high-energy and incredibly smart, although he has a tendency to question his own abilities and become overly judgemental of his skills. He is very vocal, chatting your ear off every second you give him the chance, and often asking questions that are difficult to answer. He also has a tendency to lean towards odd in most cases. This is the child put on the earth to teach me patience. He has caused me to redefine what "weird" even is, often deciding that those that seem strange are really just misunderstood. He is a wonderful and fun kid.

My daughter Cadence is 6. She's currently dealing with a battle between Tomboy and Girly Girl. She loves butterflies, flowers, lacy dresses and everything pretty. She also loves climbing trees and digging in the dirt. I think once she figures out where she wants to fit in there, she'll be a wonderfully balanced young lady. Cadence has a naturally passive personality, which makes her middle child status even more profound when she is so easily overlooked. I think we're doing a pretty good job making her feel special, but she still has to remind us sometimes when something is "NOT FAIR!" She's a beautiful girl with a quick smile, and everyone that knows her, loves her.

My youngest daughter Riley is 3. She's recently discovered that she is not, as previously thought, the center of the universe, and I'm telling ya, she's pissed about it. She's got a fantastic vocabulary and a full grasp of language, so her complaints are clear to everyone who cares to hear them. Riley is the comic relief in my life. Most kids her age are really funny anyway, but she's topped my other two in hysterical comments and events. Riley's birth was the event that made me reconsider my parenting style and way of life. In a way, I'm a better parent and an overall better person because of her.

So that's it. That's my family. I'm looking forward to sharing a little more freely now. Boy am I glad to get that all off my chest!

What to call the children?...

On the internet I mean. I am seriously tiring of referring to my kids as "my son," "my oldest daughter," and "my youngest daughter." A lot of people use just one letter to identify their kids, but since my oldest two have the same initials, that's not gonna work for me. Some people have silly made-up names for their kids, which was a pretty tempting idea for me until I remembered how difficult it was to give them real names in the first place. If this name is something they will be called from here on out, until who knows when.. well, that's a lot of pressure. What if I hate it later?

Anonymity is really not that important to me. I'm not really worried about stalkers. My fear of using real names and pictures stems from something else entirely. I know lots of people with internet access that I would rather not find this blog, or at least realize it's actually me who writes it. Evil people I may run into in the grocery store or at a family event. Demons, even.

Anyone else have thoughts on this? (All two of you faithful readers lol) I'm about ready to say screw the enemies and just use their real names anyway.

Let's have a little talk about marriage...

I married my husband 11 days after my 19th birthday, which was also 10 days after our first child was born. My husband had just completed Marine Corps boot camp. We stayed his entire leave with my parents. You can imagine how my wedding night went with these little facts. When I got married, I was only thinking of how much I loved my husband and how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Our wedding was in a church with a minister, but I couldn't have cared less if it was in a ditch and we were pronounced by a passing hobo. I invited family because I wanted them to share this important decision with me. Most importantly, I wanted us to be legally bound. I didn't care about the declaration of our love and commitment before God, because religion is not important to me. I did care about the declaration of our love and commitment to each other. I cared about the ceremony and ritual of joining - emotionally, financially, and legally.

Lately, I'm overwhelmed by the number of - we'll just say people - who insist on legal declaration of marriage as a joining of man and woman. There is lots of discussion about same-sex marriage as "violating the sanctity of marriage," which is why it's so important to state man and woman. In the state constitution. I understand the importance of putting some specifics on who should get married, especially if they aren't already in the state constitutions. If my state constitution doesn't say a man can't marry a goat, I'm concerned. There are rules about children, right? Isn't marrying an animal abusive too? But human and human should be as specific as we get when it comes to people being married.

Sanctity: n. pl. sanc·ti·ties: Something considered sacred

Sacred: adj. : Dedicated to or set apart for the worship of a deity.

I'm guessing we're a little fuzzy on what separating church and state really means?

If you think marriage is a holy and god-endorsed union, more power to you. But on the books, in a legal sense? Do any of these Ch-- ahem, people - have reasons to ammend state constituion that don't include their religious beliefs? People, marriage is important to everyone who is, or wants to be, married. Marriage is only sacred to you. Your marriage and recognition before God is not at all threatened by others not following your rules. Why do you even care?

Garbage on tv...

A week ago, I returned the kids' books to the school. I thought this would be as good a time as any to take a break. I thought we would screw around outside in the nice spring weather, make a trip or two to the river to fish or swim, sleep late, whatever. The kids have taken this vacation as an opportunity to vegitate in front of the television. Both Friday and Saturday I had to kick them off the tv and tell them to go outside. It wasn't unbearably hot out there, or raining or anything, they were just being lazy.

Previously, my attitude about television is, they can watch whatever they want as long as it doesn't violate my content restrictions. I don't like sex or drug references, or anything scary enough to produce nightmares. I rarely watch the news after my oldest daughter started having nightmares about masked people bombing our house. The newspaper is so much better, since you can read and think instead of just having information force-fed into your brain. Previously, my decision to let my kids watch any television program was based on if there was anything wrong with it. Back Yardigans? I don't see anything wrong with that. Ed, Edd, & Eddie? Nope, nothing wrong with that one.

I'm starting to realize that just having nothing wrong with them is what's wrong with them. Sure, those programs are fun, and sometimes pretty funny too. A girlfriend of mine argued that the Back Yardigans encourages imagination. Honestly, I can't see how showing someone else imagining encourages you to imagine stuff yourself. Why would you when you can have your imagination spoon-fed? Things children can touch and manipulate, without being told what they're supposed to be doing with them, encourages imagination. I'm sure almost any child would rather be having fun than watching fun.

This morning, the tv went off. They can watch something that really is stimulating or educational, or they can find something else to do. After 10 minutes of complaints about not being able to watch Cartoon Cartoon, they're now playing with Legos, inventing a game that I can't possibly understand. Now if I could just find some sort of programming guide so we don't miss something that really is worthwhile...

Water Witching...

A friend of mine has a business digging ponds and culverts for people. He owns a big bulldozer and a couple of other large pieces of strange-looking construction equipment. He frequently calls to ask if my son would like to come with him for the afternoon, to help survey or because he found something interesting on the property he might want to explore. It gives my son something to do for the afternoon, and gets him away from his sisters for a while, which is good for both him and them. Today my friend said he was going to "witch some water" and thought my son would enjoy the experience.

I've heard of water witches. Those are people who claim they can find water in the ground with a forked stick. Called witches because this trick actually worked for some people, and anything unexplainable is magic, and anyone performing that magic is a witch. I don't know that anyone was burned at the stake for it, but it's certainly worth recognition nonetheless. I asked my friend how he did this, hoping to the hills he didn't mention a forked stick, since some much more advanced method has certainly been invented by now.

He told me he uses two metal rods, and that as you walk across an underground stream or buried water line, the rods move to the right and left. "Okay," I say, with more-than-obvious disbelief in my voice. "No, I'm serious," he says, "I didn't believe it either when I first saw it. I thought the guy telling me about it was putting me on, but then I tried it. And it works." Now my curiosity was sparked. I asked how it worked, and he said he didn't know, but he knew that it did and had been using this method to locate buried sewer and and water for years. Huh. This friend is a reputable person. If he says it works, I believe him.

When my friend got here, he was ready to demonstrate this technique, but the rods were moving constantly. He said either there was lots of water in the ground, or the kids weren't holding them level. My son immediately declared the whole thing "stupid" and proceeded to act like a jerk the next few minutes until they left. I was hoping he'd be really intrigued, but apparently he thinks it's a trick.

I thought I could certainly find some believable information online about the "dowsing" process, but almost every site I found talked about how it "might" work, and that research has been inconclusive. I'm bummed because I'd like to know for myself if this works, and how, and share that with my kids. I mean they are homeschooled, so it might be nice if they learned something once in a while ;)

Christianity and Capitalism...

There's a homeschool book fair coming up this summer in Des Moines, the Three Sisters Curriculum Fair. I'm planning on going, and this will be the first curriculum fair I've ever attended. I'm not sure what to expect, but I'm hoping it will be an opportunity to examine some books and learning materials closely. The problem I have with buying curriculum is I can't afford to buy it without knowing if it's something I want. I've already bought several books only to be disappointed with their content, and if I'm going to skip paying the water bill for my kids' education, I'd rather know it was worth it.

So I was thinking about the kinds of curriculum out there, wondering what books would be available at this curriculum fair, and Christian curriculum crossed my mind. Of course they'll have Son Light. Of course they'll have A Beka. These names are so prominent among homeschoolers that I've heard them frequently and have never actually laid eyes on a single book from either group. As clear as I've attempted to be with my portfolio evaluator about my secular preferences, she's even suggested a few, saying, "I know you don't prefer Christian curriculum, but.."

I don't understand the need to implement God into Every. Single. Activity of your kids' day. I have an aunt and uncle who are very religious Lutherans and managed to raise three children to be the same, and their kids were public schooled. They're the type to walk outside on a sunny morning and announce, "What a beautiful day that God has made." Isn't that kind of thing enough? Can't you expose your kids to your beliefs and give them glimpses into your mind and heart through regular converstation? My mother never once lectured me on anything, yet I'm fully aware of her viewpoint on most subjects and have carried most of that into my own adulthood. The idea of following math, science, language, spelling, and history lessons with a bible verse is just silly to me. Creepy even. And if regular (every half hour regular enough?) mention of God and the bible are what you're going for, can't you express that on your own? i.e. "We use math to make huge skyscrapers, build bridges, maintain all forms of electronic communication, and visit the moon. What a wonderful brain God has given us to manipulate some numbers and accomplish so much!"

So why the need for texts with bible verses? The answer is capitalism. Someone noticed they were using bible verses with their homeschool lessons, and their friends were too. They had a market, and making those textbooks was a way to make a lot of money. Whether it was for themselves or for a church organization, it was about money. It's funny to me how many people think they are doing something to strengthen or display their beliefs, when they're really throwing those beliefs to the wind. Living simply? Money is evil? Support small, God-fearing companies? I don't think capitalism supports any of those things.

What a Mom is worth...

There's been a lot of talk about what this article addresses: the value of the average mother. The idea is, if you add up the average yearly salary of every worker you would have to hire to fill Mom's shoes, it turns out Mom is worth a lot of dough. The average stay at home mom is a cook, laundry service, maid, counselor, nutritionist, nurse, daycare provider, accountant, and whatever you call somebody you hire to buy all the food, clothing, and toiletries for your home. Some moms are also a baker, seamstress, teacher, or coach. You can either look at these numbers as the lowly little housewife's value, or as how much money she's saving your "hardworking" butt by doing all that she does. I'm sure moms all over the country are relieved to finally be recognized as worth something. I'll admit the idea of being seen as something other than "just a mom" is very nice. It's also nice ammunition in arguments about money, or how little got done today. I just think the assessment is a little unfair and misleading.

I'm not a daycare provider, I'm a mother. I gave birth to children, so I care for them. I didn't go through hell to bring them into the world, permanently changing my body in the process, just to hand them over for someone else to raise. If they were just for showing off, I'd rather have a Mercedes. Buying things to fill the needs my children have (shampoo, clothing, healthy foods) is part of that. I counsel them on their fears and heal their hurts because I care about them and their emotional stability. I'm my kids' teacher, but this is also just part of being a mother, since I chose to homeschool based on what I thought was best for my children. What good parent doesn't make sacrifices to do what's best for their kids? It's not a job. It's a responsibility, an honorable duty. For some, it's even a joy.

Some of the "jobs" on the list are done because the mom enjoys them. Nobody spends all day baking cookies when they don't like baking. If you don't like to sew, not only are you not going to try to fix a rip in your son's shirt, you probably don't even own a sewing machine. Moms are softball coaches and Girl Scout leaders because they think it's fun. None of those "jobs" are obligatory. If you stop enjoying them, you stop doing them. And nobody suffers from it, financially or otherwise.

The only real "jobs" as far as I'm concerned are cooking, cleaning, and laundry, and anyone who can afford to pay someone to do those jobs, does. Since I can't afford a maid, I vacuum. Since I can't hire out the laundry, I wash it. Hard work? Absolutely. Mom-specific? Not at all. I happen to do all the yucky jobs around here, but I know many families where Dad is at least partly involved, if not equally so. If I were to get hit by a Mack truck tomorrow, my husband would do them. Maybe not as well at first, but I'm sure he'd get the hang of it after a while. And while we're on the subject of Dad, I wonder what his little individual jobs are worth. He's a mechanic, lawn-care specialist, plumber, electrician, carpenter, and all-around fix-it guy (at least in my house). Sometimes he's also a coach or scout leader. In this male-dominated world where men make more money than women, I'm betting his "jobs" would probably add up to more money than Mom's.

This kind of assessment isn't thought up by some man who appreciates what his wife does. It isn't thought up by the rest of the world because they're tired of housewives being overlooked. This kind of thing is thought up by the housewives, who feel burnt out and underapreciated, in order to feel better about the role they've chosen. Personally, I don't need $134k a year to prove I'm worth something to this family. My kids are healthy, my house is clean (well, sort of), and my family is happy. Sure it would be nice if they told me once in a while how much they appreciate me, but when you do something out of love, you can't expect anything but love in return. And I get lots of that.

Obsession Train: Gardening...

Yep, it's that time of year again. I just put in my order to High Mowing Seeds (a bit late, but we'll manage). This year I'm not planning on planting squash of any kind. Last year, the pumpkins took over the whole garden and the zucchini produced so much I couldn't give it away, much less eat it. This year, I'm planting tomatoes, corn, and a salad lettuce mix. I've also ordered some holy basil for the front of my house since last years small medicinal plants smelled soooo nice! I ordered some jalapeno and cherry tomatoes for my son to grow this year. I'm hoping he takes an interest in gardening, mostly so I don't have to do all the weeding myself.

Now, if I can just figure out a good place to put my garden and motivate myself to till...

Homeschool Links...

Learn in Freedom - for older homeschooled kids, or any teenager interested in homeschooling themselves.

Maggie's Earth Adventure - lots of learning games.

Discover This - science-related toys and learning kits.

Sea and Sky - explore the oceans and space. Very cool.

Unschooling with curriculum...

I don't really think there is a name for our particular style of homeschooling. We have textbooks, and use the math book every day. I tell my kids when to do math, and how much to do. I give my son books to read in X number of days, and demand at least a 3-paragraph book report due the day after that. We discuss the spelling, grammar, and sentence structure in his reports and he corrects them if necessary. I've even been known to make him practice a few spelling words he frequently gets wrong by writing sentences and quizzing.

We also own a social studies book which has never been opened. We did the first chapter of the science book before deciding it was silly and retiring it to the shelf for the rest of this school year. My son has a reading and language book which is so dry and lame I can't imagine making my son use it.

We watch biographies and historical documentaries on television. We visit the science museum, the zoo, and the library. We get a map at the mall or the amusement park and play orienteering-type games. Most importantly, we talk. My son is a neverending well of often unanswerable questions. I explain complicated things to him that most kids don't learn about at his age, like how electricity works, the causes and benefits of evolution, and the effects of our everyday activities on those around us. Why beavers have flat tails. How long elephants are pregnant. How birds know how to migrate. Anything I don't know the answer to, we look up on the internet or check out a book at the library.

I love the idea of unschooling. I just don't fully support the idea of leaving my children's education entirely up to them. Sure, if they realize they need to learn math to count money, they'll learn it. But will they ever learn how to do anything but count money? I want my children to have the opportunity to do anything they want as an adult. So if, for example, they never learn advanced math, they're limited in their career choices to things that don't require that knowledge. I agree that kids learn better when it's a subject they're interested in, but I also think that an 8 year old isn't capable of understanding the long-term benefits of multiplying fractions.

Next year, I plan to work in geography, and teach some history at the same time. I think studies of overseas voyages can really only be appreciated when you understand how far they travelled. I'm just wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do in a couple of years when the district requires "proof" of his studies in language and social studies.

Complete lack of organization...

Every 3 or 4 months, I go through a phase I call "getting organized". I go through the stacks of bills I haven't even opened, let alone paid, and throwing out all with postmarks older than the last 30 days. I sort clothes and gather bag after bag of stuff to donate to Goodwill. Sometimes I pick a room to paint or replace curtains in. I rearrange the books and get rid of those that nobody reads or that are torn beyond repair. I clean, and clean, and clean. All this is good, right?

Sure. Except it doesn't stay that way. I would love to keep my house in a state of organized cleanliness, but I don't honestly think I'm capable. I'm concerned about the message this sends to my kids: that cleaning is only a quarterly project and organization isn't even necessary. I know my life would be far less hectic if I could get organized and stay that way, it just never happens. My intentions are good, but I'm lacking something in the follow-through. The constant state of guilt this produces is enough to make a person insane. I find myself vacillating between giving up and endlessly researching life-changing organizational schedules, like suggested at Flylady.

I really think Flylady has some great information, but I'm also a bit disturbed by the idea that a SAHM's "job" should be relentlessly cleaning and organizing to the point that a schedule is not only helpful, but necessary. Not to mention I don't want to encourage the idea that Mom is equatable to Maid, and nobody else in the house is responsible for maintaining order and cleanliness. Get up and make coffee and breakfast, then get my husband up? Make breakfast for everyone, then eat myself? What does that teach my daughters about the female role in the family? What is that teaching my son about what kind of woman he should be looking for? It's this kind of feminine ideal that leaves so many women confused about their own opinions of equality and feminism. The very feeling of compulsion to keep a clean house and be a "perfect woman" is what staunch feminists are talking about when they say the SAHM endangers the feminist movement.

So, I give up. I'm lazy, and that's how I am. I embrace my laziness and accept my quarterly oranizational sessions as an alternative to perpetual exhaustion.

Cultural style differences...

In a country where people are supposed to be the same, regardless of color or culture, it's interesting to me how much difference there is between us.

Every so often, a friend of mine passes along a gigantic amount of clothes for my son. She has two boys about 12 and 14, and (thankfully) I'm the only person she knows of with a 10-ish year old boy that the hand-me-downs would serve a good purpose with. I love her gifts, since there is usually a ton of stuff, and it's usually at a time when my son has grown out of or destroyed almost everything he owns. The only unfortunate thing is, this friend is black, and her sons wear stuff I couldn't possibly imagine my son wearing. Not just because I don't like it, but because it goes against my son's style. My son is a simple boy, not drawn to adornments or decoration. Lots of these clothes, especially the jeans, are covered in great patches of color, lots of pockets, and large brand labels.

My friend obviously doesn't think the style gap is an issue, or she wouldn't be giving me this stuff in the first place. I thoroughly appreciate her gifts, and I usually manage to convince my son to keep several things despite his protests about "his" fashion. I'm just confused about the differences. The world is full of so many different styles of clothing, so everyone can find their own way to express their personality through what they wear. So why are so many styles exclusive to certain cultures?

The funniest part about all this is that this particular friend and I share basically the same clothing style. Of course, rag on the head with t-shirt and jeans is hard to top. You can't beat classic style.

The "natural" dryer...

I'm not entirely sure what to think of these. You're not using chemical fabric softeners, but the things are made out of PVC rubber. Would it be possible to make them from natural latex rubber with the same effect?

And do they work? I'd like to find someone else who's even heard of these, let alone tried them.

Happy Easter, you godless heathens...

My parents invited themselves to my house for Easter. I'll admit it wasn't really deliberate. It was more of a miscommunitcation. We had talked months ago about visiting a state park for Easter, which we did a few years ago and had a great time. There had just been no more talk of it since, and when my mom called to tell me she thought the park would be too wet and muddy, she finished with, "So I guess we'll just come over. Do you want me to bring the meat?" I stammered a bit before saying, "Um.. well, I guess so." This was all last night, with less than a day to plan for dinner at my home.

Thankfully, the grocery store was open today and I managed to get a dozen eggs, a vegetable, some fruit and cheese. I threw together a pretty nice spread in two and a half hours, complete with frosted birthday cake and cranberry muffins. My kitchen is a complete disaster, but I'm too busy basking in my own accomplishment to care at this point.

I realized in the midst of mixing and baking that Easter is a holiday we celebrate simply out of tradition. I understand the importance of the holiday, but it seems that most Christians only observe that point in church on Easter morning. Over dinner, we talked about the Easter Bunny, the ingredients of the muffins, and the kids' schooling. What is the point? Sure, we get together with family and all, but can't we do that any old day? Easter is supposed to observe the rising of Christ and the saving of everyone's sins, not just an excuse to get together and gorge yourself once more. I may have to rethink Easter dinner for next year.

In the meantime, Happy Easter to those like me who celebrate it for no good reason at all.

Happy Birthday to my firstborn...

My son turns 10 today. In case you didn't notice, my own birthday was just yesterday. We won't get into the fact that my 10th wedding anniversary is still 10 days away.

My son has bragged to everyone he talked to today about being "a decade" old. Not a lot of gifts, but we try to keep birthdays to 50 bucks. I think he's had a pretty good day anyway. I just found out my parents are planning to come tomorror for Easter dinner, so I'm sure he'll get a few more gifts then.

Funny, I didn't feel as old yesterday when I had a birthday.

My last birthday...

Today was my birthday. According to my friends, I've now reached the last age I'm ever going to be - 29. Birthdays used to be a reason to get excited. Growing up is the ultimate purpose of childhood, isn't it? The problem is, once you are grown up, there's no more reason to get excited about getting older.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not at all worried about getting older. I think there are too many women so obsessed with youth that they lie about their age. There is no point. If you're married, nobody cares. If you're single, do you really want a man to date you based on how young he thinks you are? And don't you think if that relationship becomes more permanent, he will eventually figure out you're not as young as you claimed. If he loves you, he's not going to care what your age is. He might care a little about being lied to.

What bothers me is what usd to be a huge celebration is now only marked by the "major" birthdays. I'm sure I'll get a helluva party next year when I'm 30 (oops, I mean 29 again), but this year I got dinner with the fam at a local steakhouse. Nice enough, really, just a bit distracting with a 3-year-old climbing all over my lap and a whiny 6-year-old who should have gone to bed half an hour before we ate. We won't even get into my husband's complaints about how "selfish" I was being. Ugh.

My problem with religion...

This morning I was saddened to learn that Doc, a well-seasoned homeschooler and an intelligent, invaluable resource for such, has given up her blog after ceaseless internet harassment by so-called Christians. Doc was blogging against the Pearls and all supporters of abusive child "training." Too many blog-spammers cared more about the fact that she happens to be gay than they do about preventing child abuse, freedom of expression, or even common decency.

Let me just say I was raised in a Christian family. My mom spent so much of her time working so we rarely had time for church. We were Chreasters - Christmas + Easter churchgoers. I was raised to believe that going to church does not make you a Christian, nor is it mandatory in order to claim to be a Christian. I was read to from the Bible. We prayed. The problem I had as I became an adult, however, was realizing that not all Christians behaved as myself and my family did. We didn't judge. We believed that the values associated with a religion were more important than religion itself. My grandmother always said, "I don't care what church you go to as long as you go to church," or "I don't care what religion you have, as long as you have it." It was important to her that her descendents lived with a good system of values. She was also very fond of the phrase, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

But as I grew, I came across more and more so-called Christians, and fewer and fewer of who I believed to be "real" Christians. The so-called Christians use token bible verses to justify and empower themselves, while judging and condemning others. It's the all-too-common "I'm better than you" attitude. It's like they're 4 years old. They completely ignore those bible verses that contradict this behavior. As a matter of fact, every Christian I know, good or bad, picks and chooses certain parts of the bible to cling to, based on how well those parts fit into they way they were already doing things. In the last couple of years, even my "safe" Christian family has become infested with some insensitive, judgmental, self-righteous asshole Christians. Also in the last couple of years, I've decided religion is not right for me or my family. Coincidence?

I challenge any judgmental Christian to stop and think. Are you judging me because, according to your beliefs, I'm going to hell? Why do you care? You don't believe you are, and my behavior doesn't change that, right?

Are you concerned for me because you believe I'm going to hell? Are you acting out of love for the fellow man? Then, is shouting, insulting and harassment any way to show your love?

Harassment and degradation are not things any good Christian participates in.

You know you're old when...

.. a day of errands leaves you completely wiped out.

1) I went computer shopping today, only to find out most of them are completely out of my range of affordability. My computer is a piece of crap, but I guess a piece of crap is all I can afford to have. 2) I had to get a new phone too - do they even make plain old ordinary phones anymore? Everything I saw had zillions of buttons and blinking lights and glow-in-the-dark numbers. 3) I had movies to return that were 4 days late. Again. Seriously thinking about Netflix. 4) I had a bunch of stuff to drop off at the local Goodwill. That stuff's been living in the back of my car for weeks now, waiting for me to get around to donating it. 5) I needed groceries, cleaning products, and sandals for my girls, so against my better judgement I got these things all at Walmart. Very bad idea with all the last-minute Easter candy shoppers.

The funny part at Walmart was when my 6yo daughter was begging for some dressy Easter sandals. "Those are just for Easter," I told her. "But I can wear them for Easter," she argued. "They're for church," I clarified. "So I can wear them to church on Easter," she said. I sighed loudly and told her, "We are heathens who don't go to church, even on Easter, so there is no reason for you to have those shoes." The bustle around us suddenly stopped, the voices ceased, and when I looked around, every single person in the shoe department was staring at me like I had just declared my intentions to blow up the building.

After 5 hours of driving from this place to that, wrestling 3 kids in and out of the car, 4 trips into public restrooms, and a french fry fight in the back seat, I was DONE.

*Sigh* I still have to go shopping for my son's birthday in a few days.

Mom's Frustration Tally...

This morning's math work for my almost-10-year-old son: 6 workbook pages
Time spent on this morning's math: 45 minutes
Number of complaints about the math work: 4
Number of reminders to get back on task and finish math work: 9
Number of fatalist comments (i.e. "I'm too dumb"): 3
Number of crying sessions: 1 (related to fatalist comments, not sure if it counts alone)

Number of days left until I completely lose my mind: indeterminate

A History of Violence...

An interesting thought.

During the latest uproar about To Train Up a Child on almost all the homeschool boards and websites I visit, people understandably discuss whether hitting a child at all is ok. I really think there is a difference between physical discipline and abuse, and whether or not you spank, "thump," or otherwise physically punish your child does not determine what kind of parent you are, or how your children will turn out. I try to avoid these discussions because either the majority of parents think you're a monster if you ever lay a hand on your child, or they're just the most outspoken. Whatever it is, my opinions aren't welcomed with much warmth, and in the heat of a public flogging, nobody gives a shit if you actually DO spank your kids. Or how often. Or for what. I have never claimed to spank my kids, but everyone assumes you're a child abuser simply because you defend "the spankers." Whatever, I digress.

Last night we watched A History of Violence, where a simple small-town man is revealed as an ex mobster. When his son beats the crap out of a kid at school, the man tells his son, "We don't solve our problems by hitting people." Just as I'm thinking that's a not-so-bad message in such a movie, the kid said something offensive, and the dad slapped him. What?!?

I really did enjoy the movie though. It was the kind of movie that ends with you mumbling, "wow.. that was messed up," which is my favorite kind. I honestly think violence is a natural human response. For the record, it's also something unacceptable in my home.

I know a homeschooler...

Something strange occurred to me last night, as I went through the bedtime routine of talking instead of sleeping (my poor husband).

We went to the dreaded mall to get my wedding ring fixed. I think I wore it for a year before the solder holding the engagement ring-part to the wedding band-part broke. I tried wearing them together, but the separate rings tended to pinch, which sucks. I wore just the engagement ring for a while, until the bottom became bent because it was so thin without the support of the wedding band. The whole set has lived in a jar for the last 5 years or so. We stopped by the store where the ring was purchased, only to be talked down to by the bitchy saleslady. "Well, you could have the band replaced, but gold is expensive now and I don't think you would want to do that." The next jewelry store had some decent people in it, and we left my ring for repair.

While B.S.'ing with the store manager, he asked my kids about school. I held my breath as the kids said they were homeschooled. You never know if you'll get a nice answer or an, ".. Oh." The guy smiled, turned to me, and began telling me about guy who used to work there whose wife homeschools their 7-year-old twins. "The nicest, well-behaved kids you could imagine," he said.

So while lying in bed last night, I realized how common a response this is. Why do people feel the need to tell you about someone else they know who homeschools? And then, always, the attitude or general behavior of the aforementioned homeschooled children? Are they trying to make me "feel better" about homeschooling? As if I'm afraid to tell people I homeschool because its so weird and shameful? My husband's last irritated mumble before he rolled over was, "Maybe they're just trying to make themselves more comfortable with it."

On a side note, I'm wondering why every stranger I ever meet knows someone who homeschools, yet I don't personally know anyone who does. Except the Evil Sister-In-Law, but who's counting her?

Eew eew and freaking EEW!...

We left the window open when we went out last night. There is no longer a screen on that window, but it faces the back of the house, and we live in an area that people rarely drive through, let alone stop. The weather was decent and this stuffy house could use some air.

Anyway, when we got home I discovered its Baby Rabbit Season. I knew this because there were two of them, dead and mangled, on my livingroom floor. Nasty bloody mess all over the place. Gross disembodied rabbit parts here and there. YUCK! Apparently my cat, a.k.a. The Great Black Hunter had discovered a recently motherless nest of rabbits somewhere near my yard.

Last year about this time, we rescued two baby rabbits from the jaws of The GBH and kept them safely in a box, only to discover after an internet search that they were old enough to live on their own. We released them in the neighbors yard, but an hour later The GBH had one of them again. After three or four rescues, the boor babies were beyond saving. The next several weeks it was not uncommon to hear a rabbit screaming in the back yard. We chased the cat off the few we could.

I feel bad, but only because my cat has no intention of actually eating them. I understand predators kill other, sometimes cute and furry, animals. But their instincts tell them to do this because, instinctively, they eat them. My cat's only objective is to prove her prowess by leaving dead things for me to find - you should see the way she proudly parades around the dead thing, while I freak the hell out. Currently The GBH is under house arrest until the baby rabbits have a chance to get clear the heck away from my yard.

Finally some nice weather...

It's finally spring in Iowa. Actually, its been spring for a couple of weeks now, but its been the raining all the time kind of spring, which sucks. Today, however, its nice outside. Gorgeous sunshine, if not a tad windy. I've been wandering in and out of the house in a tank top and I'm quite comfortable. Ahhh.

If I could move somewhere that was warm year-round I would do it in a heartbeat. I don't care if I never see snow for the rest of my life. I'm not at all one of those people who loves snow at the start of winter and then just gets sick of it by the end. I hate it all the time. Anything associated with cold is just plain bad in my book. You say snow is pretty; well, I'll give you that one. It's all sparkly and innocent looking. Until you have to drive in it, or walk in it, or otherwise BE in it. Then its just cold. And worse, it's cold that sticks to you, melts on your skin leaving cold red marks on you. Blech!

But the sun shining warmth all over your back.. that's just heaven. I love how my skin feels warm as the sun shines on it (and burns it into cancerous oblivion, but let's not think that way). I love the inviting cool of the grass (except the biting damn chiggers). I love the smell of heat and the thick perfume of flowering trees. For me, spring is long overdue.

Finally some "socialization"!...

I have an older male friend, who I have mentioned before a few times (not that anyone notices - holy crap I sound like Eyore some days). He's kind of like a dad-figure, if your dad was a perverted, foul-mouthed redneck. I just love him! He adores my kids and often comes over to take them fishing or screwing around at the lake. He asks them to "help" around the yard, then pays them for their "work," even when they just run around playing all day. He's like a grandpa to them, and I think that's awesome since my husband's dad is mentally handicapped after an aneurysm and my dad is.. well.. I think my kids annoy him.

So this morning this friend calls me asking if it would be alright to sign the kids up for some activity, which he would pay for. I appreciate him asking, but it really was a no-brainer. I've wanted to sign them up for tumbling, tae kwon do, music lessons, something for quite a while, but we can't afford the lessons. I have been a little upset that we don't live around any children, and the children in the closest neighborhood are all complete demons. I can't even tell you how delighted I am that they can have this opportunity to make friends and find a hobby or activity they enjoy. They need to get out of the house once in a while. I need them to get out of the house once in a while.

Now, to find something my son will actually enjoy...

Portfolio panic attack...

I'm supposed to call my certified teacher to make an appointment for portfolio review. The review isn't until May, but I have to call her early in April to set everything up. I'm in a complete panic.

I haven't put anything in my son's portfolio at all.

I have got to be the laziest homeschooler on the planet. I technically have examples of his work for the portfolio, but I haven't stuck anything in the little binder all year. So now I have to go through everything, try to decide what would best represent his "progress," and organize everything in some sort of chronological order. Since we unschool every subject except reading and math, I don't really have a lot of examples either.

I'm terrified the teacher will think I'm some kind of idiot because all I bring her is a few math worksheets and a list of books my son has read. I'm afraid she'll say, "I'm sorry, but I can't give a statement of adequate progress to the district based on this information." I'm afraid I'll be getting a call from the district saying my son will have to take the state standardized test, and if he fails it, he'll have to return to public school.

In reality, the teacher I hired already told me she was flexible to all homeschooling styles. One could assume this also meant unschooling, and there will be no problems. I've been reassured that the reading list alone is impressive - he's already read almost 100 books this year. I just can't get past the irrational feeling that I'm somehow inadequate.

My baby turns 3!...

Today is my youngest child's 3rd birthday. I made her a cake.

Five years ago, I made my son a birthday cake. It stuck to the pan and was completely mangled by the time I got it out. It wasn't even worth saving at all, so we bought a cake at the local grocery store and had them personalize it.

Four years ago, I made my oldest daughter a cake for her second birthday. I remembered to grease and flour the pan so there was no sticking. It was white with flecks of pink, and I frosted it with white cream cheese frosting. I decorated it with strawberry halves. It was beautiful. After running over the frosting one last time, I turned to toss the knife into the sink and caught the edge of the cake plate on my shirt. The whole thing fell upside-down on the floor, completely smashed. My daughter immediately dug into it, eating cake and frosting from the floor. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Three years ago, I made a cake for my son's seventh birthday. Don't know what went wrong there, but it turned out more like a chocolate brownie than a chocolate cake. I swore to never make a cake again.

But this time, my youngest daughter wanted a pink cake, and since I thought I might have a hard time finding one of those at the bakery, I made one. And I didn't burn it, drop it, or smash it. Just in case, though, I took pictures of it after it was decorated. I'll post those as soon as I get them uploaded.

Homemade cloth menstrual pads...

Months ago, when I was obsessing about menstruation, I considered buying a bunch of cloth pads to use instead of the paper kind. I stopped using tampons altogether after reading some pretty scary stuff about their manufacturing procedures and ingredients, and after a couple of months I noticed a huge decline in clotting and a much shorter cycle. So why not go all the way and reduce paper consumption by using cloth pads?

Well, mostly because they cost about $10 each. Sure, you save money in the long run, but you have to have the money in the first place, and I just didn't.

But now, I have a sewing machine, and a bunch of leftover fabric scraps to make my own. I found a pattern to make your own cloth pads, printed it out, and made a couple. The pattern makes it sound so easy, but it was a big pain in the butt. Most of the thing didn't come together the way it was supposed to. The first one I made was too small. Four layers of batting is way too much to turn inside out. The whole project was a disaster.

I'm thinking of trying to design my own, but the rectangular pad I made caught on my underwear and looked ridiculous under my jeans, so I'm not really sure what size or shape to try. If anyone has any ideas about this, please let me know.

Obsession Train: Sewing...

So I got a new sewing machine. I got the bedroom cleaned out and a desk moved in to use for my sewing projects. I bought two patterns, one for a girl's dress and one for boy's pajamas. I was terrified the first night I used the thing, considering I hadn't sewn since junior high school, and even then I did it badly. I forgot to mention in all my begging for a sewing machine that I didn't really know how. I spent that first evening doing nothing but reading the pattern and the user's manual for the sewing machine. I looked up information on the internet and printed it out. I spent the next entire day sewing together a dress for my youngest daughter which, aside from the zipper, turned out amazingly well! Who knew I could sew? Then I completely lost my mind.

I just got home from fabric shopping. I bought seven different fabric prints, 6 zippers, a package of buttons, ten spools of thread in eight different colors, new scissors, a measuring tape, and half a dozen or so additional sewing-related items. I bought all this stuff at Walmart, so it might surprise you that I spent a little over $100 on that stuff. Wait - I thought sewing clothes was supposed to be cheaper than buying clothes??

I am really dissapointed in the small amount of patterns designed for boys. It makes complete sense, since most boys fashion centers around jeans and t-shirts. Jeans are a little tricky for this novice, and t-shirts are cheaper and much less hassle just to buy. Luckily for me, my son could care less if I made it or bought it, as long as he got something new.

I'm off to finish my second dress!

Hypocrisy...

Here's something confusing to me. How on earth can someone blabber on to me about how damaging homeschooling is for my children, discredit or argue every stance I take, and then in the next breath complain that their children are calling each other "pimp" or cry every morning about the bullies at school? How can they flatly state that I am in no way qualified to teach, and then complain to me the next day about the worthless and cruel teacher of their child's class? Do they hear nothing I say?

I pulled my son out of public school in the middle of second grade. His teacher was mean, and spent most of the day yelling at her students, especially those targeted troublemakers such as my son. I complained to the principal, but since I was the only one complaining, she was positive I was just some crazy woman defending my obviously guilty child. The bad part of this story is, I've discovered worse things about this teacher since my son was out of school than when he was in her class.

Fast forward two years. My cousin has a son in the second grade of the same school. My cousin is a preschool teacher, and prime defender of public school. Her son has a different teacher than mine did, and apparently a much nicer one. She's told me of the other kids in Evil Teacher's class; how they complain of her yelling. My cousin has even told me about her son's teacher closing the door to her classroom so they wouldn't have to hear Evil Teacher yelling down the hall. All my cousin says are things like, "My son is so lucky to have this good teacher," and "If your son had had her in second grade, I doubt he would have had the problems he did in school."

What about the kids that do have her? Why doesn't the good teacher complain that her colleague is verbally and emotionally abusing her students so loudly half the school can hear it? Why have no other parents complained? Why, when parents and teachers know that such teachers exist, and being fully aware of the arguments about bad teachers, is nothing done about them?

And how can they all continue to argue that public school is better for my child? They don't care about the children suffering through an entire school year of yelling and degradation, why do they care so much about mine?

This blog sucks (but I like it)...

I was thinking about those cool blogs. You know, the blogs with a zillion readers and product companies begging the writers to review stuff on their blog.

Well, this isn't one of those. I'm not good enough for that kind of blog. Not because I'm not smart enough, snarky enough, or witty enough. I'm not good enough because I'm too bitchy. I complain a lot. I'm looking over my blog today and noticing most of my posts are bitching about this thing or whining about that thing. That's fine. That's me.

I bitch a lot because I don't often have anyone to bitch to. I tried bitching to my husband, but somehow that always turns into him bitching about his own problems, so I don't feel any better. I can't bitch to my kids because, not only are those problems none of their business, they really could care less. I could bitch to my friends, but.. well, I don't have any of those. Any worth bitching to anyway. So I come here to bitch. I do have a lot of good things to talk about, but I can share those with any number of people. And honestly, the good things I do are pretty much only exciting to me.

All that being said, I apologize for anyone who may have been subjected to my endless bitching, and promise to try to post more enlightening and entertaining stuff. I am making an effort to make this blog a bit more positive instead of just using it as an outlet for my frustrations. I can't promise I won't bitch again, but I can try to make this blog a bit more worth everyone's time.

And for my second wish...

My husband took me shopping last night and surprised me by grabbing the sewing machine I'd been asking for off the shelf and sticking it into the cart. This is the sewing machine I've been hinting about for the last year or so, and did a teeny bit of complaining about not getting for Christmas.

I'm so excited I can hardly control myself. All I can think about are the things I can sew! I could make new curtains for the girls' room. I could make a new comforter for my son's bed. I could make a thousand summer outfits for my kids. I could make new pajamas, bath robes, hats, tote bags... The possibilities are endless!

The sewing machine has yet to come out of the box. The plan is to put the sewing machine on an old desk we got from a friend in a corner of my bedroom. The corner of the bedroom currently has an unused gun cabinet and some boxes of clothes, so that has to be cleaned up. The desk is currently sitting outside in the shed and has to be cleaned up as well. So it looks like I have a lot of work ahead of me today if I'm ever going to sew.

Taking Advantage...

This morning I once again heard what is becoming my most hated phrase: "...since you're home all day anyway." I can always be counted on to run off on a shopping excursion (as if I have money), be a last-minute babysitter, or make phone calls for my husband. When I make plans with my friends, I'm always the one making the reservations, calling about prices, emailing or calling everyone involved with the details. I may as well. I'm home all day anyway, right?

I know its my own fault I get taken advantage of this way. I just don't understand what the hell happened to me. I didn't used to be this much of a pushover. As a matter of fact, there was a time when nobody asked me for anything, because it was likely I would just flat-out refuse. You know what else? I had more friends then. I think somewhere between my first pregnancy and my last, I became selfless. Imagine that.

When you talk about someone being selfish, you often mean they're snobbish, stuck-up, and rude. Selfishness isn't supposed to be an honorable personality trait. So why was I so much more popular as a bitch?

Poverty Sucks...

That's it. We're officially poor people. A few months ago I would have been apalled at the idea of collecting government aid. As much as I'm disgusted with the way government aid works, it does serve a good purpose for people who actually need it. Like me.

Today I got a letter from the local Department of Human Services, saying our kids qualify for medical coverage and we qualify for $170 in food stamps monthly. While $170 doesn't cover all we spend on groceries for a family of five, every little bit helps. Unfortunately, we make too much money to qualify for medical, and more importantly dental, for my husband and I. Nevermind the fact that we can't afford to pay the dental bills even if we had dental coverage of our own. My husband and I are losing our teeth. I have a front tooth that is almost completely gone, and I've been molding a cap for it out of temporary filling compound from Walmart. I have about 10 other cavities, some only small spots, some covering at least half the tooth. In other words, its BAD. The last time I was at the dentist, we had dental coverage, and after my exam the doctor had an estimate made up for all the dental work I would require. My portion, after the insurance picked up their share, was more than $3000.

The DHS offered me a two month coverage, with a spend-down amount based on your income. For us it was almost $1800. Good luck finding a dentist who is willing to take payments at all, let alone payments on $1800, and can squeeze all my massive dental work in a window of two months. HA!

I LOVE presents!!...

On Christmas morning, we actually managed to be up before the kids. We took advantage of this small miracle by having some coffee in the quiet house. The rule in our house is everyone has to be up and have breakfast before the presents are opened. It's kind of mean of us to do that to the kids, and they act as if they're being tortured to wait that extra 20 minutes to choke down a bowl of oatmeal, but its the rule anyway.

While cleaning up the bowls, I made the anouncement that it was now time to open presents. My two-year-old daughter said, "Presents?!? I love presents!!" She didn't even realize that's what we would be doing that day. This became the joke of the day. Every time one of the kids opened something, they would say, "Socks?!? I love socks!!"

My husband bought me a breadmaker, which I'd been asking for for several months. I would have liked a sewing machine, but money is still pretty tight and the hubby thought I would get more use out of the breadmaker anyway. He's probably right; I do have a tendency to get really excited about something and then have no interest in it two weeks later.

New Year's was really not exciting at all. We don't have the luxury of a babysitter most of the time, so we spent the evening at home watching movies. I think it was a kind of a nice change.

Right now, I think I'll go make a banana bread. Yum!

What exactly IS the "working poor"?...

Well, I'll tell you, thanks so much for asking. ;)

The working poor is a class by themselves. They're a hodgepodge of different backgrounds all stuck in the same shitty financial situation. Sure, some of them are there because they're uneducated, possibly because their parents were uneducated as well. However, lack of proper education is only one reason, and there are many. Some of them have fallen into a string of hard luck; one horrible incident after another (such is the case with us). Some of them did something stupid and illegal when they were younger, and now find it difficult to get a decent job because of their legal background. Some of them had an unexpected child (or maybe even a planned child) that threw them into financial hell before they were even able to get their feet on firm ground.

The working poor aren't on welfare. Most of them are determined to work as hard as they have to in order to not require federal aid. Most of them find themselves barely keeping food on the table for their family of five while the state department tells them they make too much money to qualify for aid (yep, that's us again). Sadly, many people who are on welfare used to be part of the working poor, and finally gave up their attempt to make it on their own. I've heard many many stories of single mothers who, when faced with working and still being unable to feed their children, chose to quit their job and collect food stamps and federal housing. In a case like that, I don't blame them at all. You do what you gotta do to feed your kids.

The working poor are often overlooked, since they're not counted among the federal percentage of poverty-level families. As far as social standards, it's easy to judge them. It's easy to say their poverty would be eliminated if they didn't buy this, or subscribe to that. It's easy to say the unemployed spouse could get a job and solve all their problems. (Weekly daycare total in my area for my 3 kids based on state averages= $287.38. Average weekly income for a woman with no college education= $350. Wonder if I could cover my gas and lunches on 60 bucks a week?) I've had several nosy bitches tell me I would be a thousand times better off if I cancelled my internet access. Tell me something though: Would you be a thousand times better off with an extra $25 a month? What could you buy with it? Two days worth of groceries? A tank of gas? And what do you expect of these "wasteful" people? To sit at home staring at bare walls they shouldn't be spending money to paint? Twidling their thumbs because they shouldn't spend money on games or television? Most of us (well US anyway) never go to a movie. We never even eat at Denny's.

Think about what you would give up if you weren't making the bills each month. Cable television? Friday night dinner at a nice restaurant? The bar/nightclub? Aerobics class? Now imagine if you didn't have those things to give up. Imagine you never had them in the first place. Could you give up your cell phone? (I don't have one.) You car? (Hubby and I share a vehicle.) Imagine giving up your dental appointments for lack of insurance and inability to pay for the fillings you need - and imagine that tooth breaking and just dealing with the excrutiating pain. Imagine weighing your options, is it cheaper to buy tylenol or have that tooth pulled?

The working poor are everywhere you look. Maybe the mom in the grocery store told her kid to put back the cookies because they can't afford them. Maybe "those people" down the street are doing everything they can to keep their heads above water and that crappy POS they're driving is the best they can do. And sure, they could give up their internet (or beer, cell phone, salon nails, fill-in-the-non-necessity-here), but maybe, like us, it's one last thing they have keeping them from feeling like a complete loser. Maybe it's the one little thing that helps them remember people are supposed to be equal in this country. Maybe its the one thing that keeps them from saying, "Fuck it, I'm going on welfare." And in that case, its the thing that makes the difference between their working poverty and your tax dollars.

'Cause trust me, they don't want you to pay for them any more than you do.

The Obsession Train: Crochetting...

My mother tried to teach me to crochet when I was a kid. I never had the patience for it. The very idea of making something ONE. STITCH. AT. A. TIME. was just ridiculous to me. So my mother crocheted a thousand afghans, doll dresses, and coin purses for me. And sometimes I watched.

When I was 19, a friend of mine showed me again how to crochet. I guess I was finally ready to learn it at that point. For a few months, I crocheted afghans. Baby afghans for friends, a big afghan for my bed, and of course a few for my mom because... well you just can't ever have enough afghans, right? All of them were single-crochet stitches, back and forth, sometimes in stripes. That's all I had learned how to do. By the time I got around to learning double-crochet stitches, I was bored with the whole mess.

Well now I'm crochetting again. I bought about 50 pounds of yarn and several packages of different sized hooks. I printed off patterns from here, here, and here. I now have four crochet projects started at once: a cradle/purse for my youngest daughter, a tote bag for myself, an afghan for my friend's baby, and a tank top for my oldest daughter. I know damn well I will run out of steam on this roll well before I get through all the yarn I've bought, but I couldn't help myself.

I guess all that extra yarn will find a home in the back of my closet, with the rest of the yarn I've been hanging on to for years. ;)

Ok, I Admit It... I'm a Geek...

Two days ago, Star Wars Episode III came out on dvd. I'd been waiting for Nov. 1st for months. We had intended to see it in the theatre, but waited until it was available at the 2nd run theatre ( $5 for ticket, small popcorn and a soda). We planned to go on a Friday, got a babysitter (which is rare) and called the theatre for the start times. Unfortunately, they stopped running Episode III just the day before. Arrrgh!

Two days ago I said to my husband, "Oh my gosh! It's the 1st! You have to go rent it!" He knew exactly what I was talking about when I said "it." I loved the movie. The kids loved it. We spent almost an hour after the movie was over telling them about the "next" three movies and how fantastic they would be, despite the difference in age and computer graphics.

So I went to the store today looking for episodes IV, V, and VI. I bought a box set for $48 (I'm sure I was ripped off) and came home so excited I could barely wait till my husband got home to watch them. So I'm a geek. Sue me. Episode IV (originally just THE Star Wars) came out the year I was born. The only Star Wars movie I've seen with much memory was Episode VI, Return of the Jedi. After watching Episode IV tonight, I am severely disappointed. Not because of the graphics, because I expected what I saw, but because of the lack of a storyline. I'm having a hard time understanding how anyone watched this movie in 1977, with such complicated politics that weren't explained whatsoever and lacking any kind of pre-story, could bear to watch The Empire Strikes Back. I'm thinking it had something to do with Harrison Ford.

I'm Not an Ice Cream Lover, But...

I just found the most fantastic ice cream I've ever tasted. I was wandering aimlessly through the local mid-priced grocery store this afternoon, which is kind of a splurge but I like the meat there, and literally bumped into a sample stand. I love samples at the grocery store! This time it was ice cream, so the kids all had to try too. "Double-chocolate please." I was already imagining the faces covered in chocolate and carrying around sticky napkins for the rest of my shopping. But it was fabulous.

Blue Sky Creamery, in Boone, Iowa has ice cream parlors and sells in grocery stores throughout Iowa and Minnesota. They freeze their ice cream with liquid nitrogen, in less than a second, so there are no air bubbles and no ice crystals whatsoever. This results in the thickest, smoothest, richest ice cream I have ever tasted. I bought a pint of double-chocolate and a pint of capuccino, which actually tastes like capuccino instead of some half-assed light chocolate-ish mush.

I'm already visualizing the new pants I'll be buying in about a month ;)

Our Trick-or-Treating Adventure...

It took us longer to get ready to go trick-or-treating than it actually took trick-or-treating. My son was a mummy and we made his costume by tearing two white sheets into strips and wrapping him everywhere. With the help of some safety pins, it stayed completely in place for at least ten minutes. My 6-yr-old daughter was going to be a midieval princess, her costume from last year which still fits, but she couldn't find her crown. After rummaging through her dress-up clothes, we found an old dance costume that was mine when I was 10 or so, and dressed her up in that, over jeans and a sweatshirt since is so damned cold here in Iowa. My youngest daughter wore a puppy costume from last year (thank goodness we could only find one a size too big last year). All three costumes for free. :)

My oldest daughter made 3 trips to the bathroom in the 45 minutes we took getting ready, which meant 3 times redressing her in her costume and tucking the sweatshirt down inside the sequined leotard. On the way out the door, she said she had to go again. I asked her if she has actually been going at all every time she goes to the bathroom, and she told me, "only a really litte." Great. Probably a urinary tract infection. I told her to hold it and she would thank me later.

Ten minutes later, we made it to a nearby town where we planned to do our rounds, and my daughter tells me she can no longer hold it. We stopped at a gas station, where I helped her out of her costume and into it AGAIN. She only went a tiny little bit. We bought a bottle of cranberry juice before we left and I told her to drink it all before we got home. Ugh, I really don't want to have to take her to the doctor.

After walking around for what seemed like forever and filling gallon ice cream bucket each with candy, we called it a night. When we got into the car, we realized we'd only been out for half an hour. Oh well, the kids didn't even notice and we managed to get dinner and off to bed on time.

Good Books Are Sometimes Hard to Find...

Over the summer, I bought a set of books from a college student selling door-to-door. They're called Explore and Learn. There are 6 volumes about the human body, the history of civilization, space, technology, nature, and a world atlas. They come with a cross-curriculum list - detailing the science, math, language, etc. in each book - and a large wall map. I didn't buy them to use as a standard curriculum, but they could certainly be used that way. I just keep them on the shelf and the kids get them out at least once a week to read them. I love these books and at $100 a set, it was a very good investment. The company that publishes this series also sells software, audio cds, a large set of encyclopedias, and a fabulous set of K-12 (and beyond) everything-you'll-ever-learn-in-school kind of books. A homeschooler could build curriculum until their kids move out of the house with these books.

The problem is they only sell their books through college students door-to-door. Just like any other exclusive company like Avon or Mary Kay, you can only get the products through a "representative." Unfortunately, unlike Avon or Mary Kay, there is no way to locate a representative because since its a summer job to earn money for college expenses, the salespeople change every year and are only available in the summer. I plan to continue to check their website, just in case they do list contact information in the summer.

What IS Halloween For Anyway?...

I was making lunch today and wondering how I was going to come up with money for Halloween costumes for my kids this year. Beggar's Night is a week away. I could make their costumes, if I could find materials that were cheap, and if I could think of a costume that was relatively simple to make that wouldn't make my children look like idiots. Not to mention the hour-long internet search of hundreds (if not thousands) of costumes with my son, while he complained about each one and continued asking for costumes that didn't exist or were just too expensive to make. In the middle of the second grilled cheese sandwich assembly, a song came on the radio about trick-or-treating. It was the kids' radio station, and the song was the old "Trick or treat, smell my feet," song most of us has heard before, but with lots of other lyrics. Like, "Give me something good to eat. If you don't, that's just fine. I hope you sit on a porcupine." Silly? Funny? I guess if you're 6.

But what a horrible attitude for kids to have, even in jest. I just keep thinking about the money parents spend on their kids' costumes. The candy bought by the neighborhood just to pass out to greedy, inappreciative, cavity-riddled children. Just like any other "holiday," Halloween is over-marketed, over-priced and widely misunderstood. Does anyone care about how this holiday developed? Do they care that it stemmed from religions most people don't practice and beliefs that no longer exist? Why do we continue to spend money on a "holiday" only celebrated by traditions we don't understand? My guess is because the heavily-stocked Walmart shelves tell us to, and because everyone else does. (Americans spend about $6.9 BILLION anually on Halloween crap, making it the second largest commercial holiday in the country.)

I really want my children to only celebrate things that are important to them, and by "important," I mean something other than the collection of candy. I don't want to be a big mean mom, but I want holidays to mean something, not just be celebrated because the Mainstream says we should. However, after mentioning to my husband I was thinking about calling off Trick or Treating and just having a nice night at home, my husband insisted I "can't do that to the kids." As if they'll be permanently damaged by not wandering around in the cold rain for two hours and eating two pounds of candy. *Sigh*

I bet a mummy costume would be easy to make...

Really Enjoying My New Freedom...

Since my husband started working at his new job, he's been given a company work vehicle. That means that for the first time since August when his work truck broke down, I am actually able to USE my SUV for errands and things during the day. I never noticed how wonderful this was until a trip to the library today (yes again, its a record LOL).

We wandered around the library for over an hour. My 2-year-old was a bit of a handful by the time we left, but we didn't leave because we had to rush home so Daddy could have the car. I didn't worry about how long we were there or what time we'd be home. I no longer have to plan doctor's appointments early in the morning so my husband can just go in late. I no longer have to wait for him to be home in the evening to run to the store for the toilet paper that's been out since 9am.

And awesome that since I homeschool, I don't even have to worry about being home to meet the bus.

Ahhh, I'd almost forgotten what freedom was like.

A Day of Complete Insanity...

I love my children.

Let me say that again.

I love my children.

Several times today I wanted to run away and never come home. Days like these are becoming more frequent. Not a single quiet moment all day. And not just regular noise. I'm talking teeth-grading, nail-biting, hair-pulling, irritating noises. All. Day. Long.

Fighting between my older two children. Me trying to resolve the fight and becoming the target of the yelling from both of them. The 6-year-old taking things from the 2-year-old. The 2-year-old screaming her friggin head off like she was being murdered every time something didn't go her way. Liquids spilled, dumped and sloshed all over the house. Solid items broken, banged on or thrown. And after a friend played his ancient cassette of Peter, Paul & Mary, "Puff the Magic Dragon" being sung over and over and over and over.

I don't like to yell, but I've been doing it a lot. I just want five friggin seconds to read a paragraph, complete a sentence, finish a damn thought. I wish my children would learn just because I don't answer them the very second they say something, doesn't mean I didn't hear them and they should repeat themselves at least 10 times. I wish my 6-year-old would learn the household language instead of falling back on her native language of Whine. I feel like I'm suffering from PPD all over again, mumbling repeatedly, "ok just have this and please for the love of god leave me alone." Then the kids act hurt and rejected and I feel even worse.

Is it bedtime yet?

But I love my kids. Love love love them.

Happy Birthday!...

Today is my oldest daughter's 6th birthday, although we've been teasing her for months that it was going to be her 5th. We had a party for her at a local pizza place/arcade. We got off as cheaply as possible, telling the guests we weren't paying for pizza but would cover the cost of wristbands for all the kids to play in a gigantic climbing play area. We paid for wristbands for our kids, but by the time all our guests got there, the girl at the counter told me not to bother with wristbands since we were the only people in the place. Lucky us! We had pizza, the kids played in the huge play area, and the hubby and I played air hockey and lots of arcade games, and we only spent about 35 bucks. Yay!

I do wish I didn't have to be so cheap with birthdays, but we just can't afford the $100/hour party rooms at the fancy party places. We spent about $20 on presents for my daughter, but got away with several of them since purple nail polish and hair accessories are pretty inexpensive. I kinda feel bad that we weren't in a financial position last spring to give my son a good party, but he did get some great presents.

We played all night. The kids had a great time. Big bucks or not.

On My Mind Today: Child Abuse...

I remember staying the night with a girl I knew from school. I was about 12 years old, and I'd known this girl about two weeks. The house was the filthiest I'd ever seen. Dishes were piled on every inch of the countertop (one of the scraggly cats wandering around was covered in grease from a stacked-pans avalanche). The 2-bedroom house was shared by my new friend, her 2 sisters, her mom, 3 men who weren't related whatsoever to my friend or her sisters, and Grandma living in a small camp trailer in the back yard. We ate cold hot dogs for dinner because there were no clean pans or a microwave to cook them. This girl shared a bare mattress on the floor with her two sisters and the dog. I was eaten alive by fleas all night long, and ate dry cereal in the morning because there was no milk, and no clean bowls. I was so relieved to go home I almost cried as I told my mom about all the trauma I'd endured on my visit.

So why didn't she call someone? Knowing what I do now - that this girl dressed like a tramp when she was 12 and was often covered in bruises - and the conditions she lived in, the situation reeked of sexual abuse. At the very least, it was gross neglect.

I'm sure she thought it wasn't her business to get involved. Maybe she justified it by saying that some people might not like her parenting either, and it wasn't for her to judge. I've thought that several times myself while I live in this dumpy house, with a yard full of junk (told ya I was a redneck, y'all). Where is the line drawn between dicipline and abuse? Between laziness and neglect? Who am I, the average citizen, to judge someone else?

I don't know what the answers are. But I know there are lots of kids out there being abused daily while the neighbors mind their own business. And I also know there are perfectly decent parents who are misjudged and lose their children to foster homes for months or years. I know that a lot of parents are afraid to even set boundaries for their children because of the constant fear of CPS. Are parents safe in this kind of system? Are children safe?

Pumpkin Day...

This morning I decided to bake the pumpkins from my garden. I bought the seeds for Baby Pam pie pumpkins from an organic seed company in the spring, grew them among the zucchini and acorn squash, and harvested them almost a month ago. Despite the fact that the pumpkin took over the entire garden, growing long prickly vines over everything and choking out my acorn squash, the plants produced pathetically small amounts of actual pumpkins. My acorn squash only produced 4 squash out of 3 plants before the pumpkin took over their roots and killed them all. But the pumpkins, also 3 plants, produced only 7 pumpkins. They're small, but perfectly fine for pies and other recipes. Bugs got to one pumpkin, and my children broke open another, so this morning I had only 5.

I split the pumpkins in half, per the online instructions, and baked them cut-side down on a cookie sheet for about 1 1/2 hours at 350 degrees. The kids had a great time scooping out the seeds and pulp, which I saved for toasting, and the whole process was performed with very little mess, most of which was the kids' hands and clothes.

I am now toasting the seeds, about 3 cups worth, coated with about 3 teaspoons of oil and about 3/4 teaspoon salt, baking at 300 for about half an hour now. The recipe says 45 minutes with a little stirring, but I think these will take much longer since they were so wet and gooey. I picked out as much of the pulp as possible, but I'm starting to think I should have rinsed them before coating with oil and salt, as they were pretty slimy. We'll see how they turn out.

Limits to Learning?...

When I discussed the subject of the Well Trained Mind and its recommended curriculum with my public school teacher friend, I was not at all surprised that she hated the idea. "Why on earth would they need to learn Latin?" she asked me, "And who cares what they're reading as long as they're reading and enjoying it." She does have a bit of a point. There are lots of adults from my generation who read for pleasure, and I think that's fantastic. However, what they're reading leaves a lot to be desired. They never broadened their minds to accept anything more complicated than Harlequin novels. When asked about reading something even slightly more complicated, like Mark Twain, they comment with things like, "I don't like that kind of book, its too boring." Not boring, they just don't get it. The classics, full of complicated terminology and large vocabulary words, are full of adventure, humor, unbridled passion. But if you don't know how to read it - more importantly to understand it - you miss all that. It's like reading a page full of nonsense words.

My sister-in-law once commented that she isn't going to teach her children most of the things she learned in school because, "I never used that information. They don't need it either." Sure, if you want your children to grow up to be unemployed, or work at Walmart or McDonald's, that's perfectly fine. But why wouldn't someone want to give their children as many options as possible? I would certainly rather my child be capable of rocket science but choose to work at Walmart because they enjoy it, than have them want to be a rocket scientist but lack the knowledge and skills to be anything but a checkout girl.

I have been (as well as most others still are) too focused on "he has to learn this to get through second grade." I've presented him with all the stories in his basal readers, given him all his worksheets, and when he was done we just did something else in our "free time." Most people never consider what else their children could learn, because "that's not something he does until 4th grade." We are raising a society of people who only want to learn the absolute bare minimum to get by. Few are the college students taking classes just because that subject interests them, they don't even want to take the classes required to graduate. In high school, the general attitude of the students (as well as myself) was just to suck it up and get through the class, and in a few years it would all be over. Learning is treated as something you have to get through to move on in life, not something you should actually enjoy. The result is a society of lazy, unmotivated people, content to leave their learning behind at 25 and spend the rest of their lives just going through the motions of adulthood.

Why do they need to learn it? Obviously they don't. But why would they want to learn it (or why would you want to teach them)? The same reason Boy Scouts learn to tie knots. Because you might use it someday. Because you might actually have better ejoyment out of life due to your knowledge. 20 years down the road you could buy a sailboat and already know how to tie off your sails because of a month-long lesson in Boy Scouts. And those who can see a benefit to learning throughout their lives could someday enjoy Homer, see a play in Italian, or even be a rocket scientist.

The Well Trained Mind...

I became curious about this book from the Denim Jumper website I mentioned a few days ago. Most of these people came from something they called "the WTM messageboards," which left me absolutely clueless. The funny part was, even after I saw the book referenced, I didn't put it together. It wasn't until I borrowed the book from the library and saw the Well Trained Mind website referenced that I understood. I had read quite a few posts about kids learning Latin. Latin! I wasn't sure what to think of this at all. My decision to get this book from the library came just as much from curiosity about this strange practice as it did interest in what good points the book may have.

I have to say I am thoroughly impressed with this program. A whole homeschooling curriculum based on classic literature, history and reading, reading, reading. The authors of this book are big on reading original texts, hence the Latin lessons. The awesome part about this kind of program, however, is that it can be tailored to your needs or desires. I am interested in my kids reading the classics. And I'm not just talking Where the Red Fern Grows. I'm talking Shakespeare. I'm just not so sure the structure is what I'm going for.

My evil mind is imagining the reactions of family members at Christmastime. "What are you learning now?" "We're learning about the fall of the Roman Empire, and reading the Iliad, and .." Hehehehehe.

A Trip to the Library...

Ok, I admit it. I haven't taken the kids to the library in a long long time. Not that I haven't wanted to, or certainly not that I haven't intended to. I lost my library card. Maybe the dog ate it ;)

We live in the barely-populated triangular void made by three nearby cities. One of them huge, the other two fairly normal-sized (10,000 people, give or take). City #1 is too large and I honestly have no clue where the closest library is. Not to mention the recent kidnapping attempts and child sexual assaults that have happened at libraries there the last few weeks. I love the library in City #2, but have already lost my library card there once and had a replacement made, which I have now lost again. To spare my embarrassment, I went searching City #3 for their library. I drove around for almost an hour before I found it, and this was based on directions from a resident (sad, really). The library was too small for the number of books it contained. The play area, while very nice, was in the open and literally 4 feet from the adult section. I thought it would be best if I looked for the books we came for, so my son sat reading books to his sisters in the play area. The entire time we were there, I only found one book between taking children to the bathroom and dodging dirty looks from every adult in the place because of my "noisy" children. I ended up leaving the book and just getting out of there.

So today, I swallowed my pride and went back to library #2. Their children's section and play area are in separate room, with walls and doors to reduce any noise coming from there. They understand that children have only two voices - whisper and yell - and often use them at the inappropriate times. And they have puppets, which keep my toddler from yanking every book off the shelves. I turned my kids loose in the play area and headed for the "card catalogue," which is now located on the computer. Easier to use, but I sure wish I could find a real catalogue to at least show my children how to use it.

After hunting up The Well-Trained Mind and How to Reach and Teach Children With Dyslexia, and discovering my fruitless hunt for origami books was caused by my lack of ability to spell "origami," I walked to the desk and confessed my disorganization and irresponsibility to the clerk. She told me I could borrow these books today without my card, which gives me more time to look for it at home (yeah, right), and the replacement card if I need one would be $3.

Well, I wanted to support that library anyway. May as well be in fees.

Dyslexia?...

Today while discussing our all-consuming game rental Mortal Kombat, my son called one character "Doom-Smoke" when the actual name is "Noob-Smoke." An honest mistake, really, except the whole time we had this game I was constantly correcting him about it. This by itself wouldn't be a big deal, the boy still says "merchine" instead of "machine" and I didn't think much of it all week. But this afternoon something made me think more about it. And I realized that he does this often when the middle letters are the same. He'll read "leer" instead of "reel" or "toob" instead of "boot." He's done this for a while.

So I decided to look for some symptoms of dyslexia, since I really know so little about it. Turns out dyslexics are notoriously bad spellers (as is my son), have difficulty remembering sequences or facts (like his multiplication tables), and often skip or change small words while reading aloud (which he does constantly). All these things may be coincidence. He might just be a bad speller and not so great at math and reads too fast to get all the words right. But from the list of about 20 symptoms, he had at least half of them.

I called the portfolio reviewer/ supervising teacher I am using, asking if she knew of any way to test for dyslexia. She told me she knew someone who was trained in testing for it, and also offered tutoring for dyslexic children. While I don't intend to schedule any tutoring with her if the tests are positive for dyslexia, its nice to know she at least knows what she's looking for.

In all honesty, I actually hope he is dyslexic. It would not only explain his spelling problems, but it would explain everything. And it would open a whole new area of training and methods to help him learn that I may never have considered before.

Nature vs. Nurture?...

This morning my husband and I had an argument. It started as a simple discussion, which I should admit I started. The question was: Are boys in this culture persuaded to a sexual obsession by their peers/media/ parents, or is there really such a strong sexual drive in males that causes them to be so preoccupied with sexual thoughts/ actions? My husband believes its strictly nature, that a boy/ man cannot help but think of sex almost constantly. I should have just accepted his answer as opinion, but the further we got into the discussion, the more I wanted him to simply admit that his attitude (as well as most other men I know) could have been at least partially formed by his surroundings.

With my obsessing about menstruation, I realized how much my opinion of myself and my body was tainted by advertizements and public attitude. Since I have some issues with bodily fluids, specifically blood (a little OCD possibly?), its quite possible I would have been bothered by having a period anyway. But I now understand that the shame and secrecy I've had my entire menstruating life was caused by negative public opinion and advertizement.

I think boys are raised around other boys, who are raised around fathers, uncles etc. , in a never-ending cycle of sexual obsession. I think when young boys feel the first twinge of sexual interest, they're welcomed into the sexual world with an expectation of ogling everything that walks past. They're ushered into adulthood with commercials, television programs, magazines and an internet websites that objectify women. Of course, as scientists say, men think about sex every 10 seconds. It's everywhere you look. I believe boys learn that this is the normal behavior of men, and they are somehow weird if they don't participate. (Possibly even gay, and what a social massacre that would be.) I shudder at the thought of what the other girls at school would have thought of me if I ever said, "I love my period! It's representative of womanhood." eek.

Am I way off here? Is it possible all media is filled with sex because men are obsessed with it inherantly instead of the other way around? I don't think my husband and I will ever agree on this.

Violent Video Games...

We just rented Mortal Kombat: Deception. We like it, would like to buy it, but the game is 30 bucks so that won't happen until I can find it for a reasonable price on ebay or elsewhere. Rent is 5 bucks ;) Hubby and I used to play the original MK on Nintendo, years ago and were looking for something we could do together. We rented it on a night when my parents had the kids overnight, and halfway through the second fatality combo I said, "The kids are gonna love this game."

Its funny that while I am so overprotective about what my kids watch or hear that I don't care at all about violence. Movies, music and radio are censored for drugs and sex at my house, but not for violence or gore. Of course I'm not going to let them watch Halloween, but that's scary, not just violent. I honestly don't believe violent media makes someone violent unless they already have violent tendencies. My kids know the difference between tv and reality. And they know why you don't kill people - not because the cops will put you in jail, but because its wrong. Even my 5yr old understands this. We don't kill anything we don't intend to eat. (It puts the lotion in the basket... lol eww)

Back After a Long Hiatus...

So my phone and electricity were disconnected on the same day. Such is the life of perpetually poor people. We managed to get the electric back on, after borrowing a significant amount of money from a friend of ours - which I completely hate doing and fully intend to pay back before anything else. The phone took a while to get on again, since I refused to borrow more money. I apologize to anyone who actually reads this blog (but I doubt anyone noticed) for the lack of posts for so long.

I'm still looking for that Ultimate Home Job. You know, the one where I don't have to pay gazillions of dollars to get started or bother the crap out of innocent homeowners while running up my long-distance bill. I'm talking a real job, with a boss, and a W-4. *Sigh* Where IS that job?

The Spelling Dilema...

For those of you (all, umm zero of my readers) who remember my issues with my son's spelling, I may have found a solution.

After trying Discovery Toys Think-It-Through Tiles Spelling, spelling games on funbrain, crossword puzzles designed for kids, and bazillions of spelling words drilled into the boy's head, a teacher sent me THIS. Scholastic's Spelling Secrets.

It may not be the answer to my prayers, but it sure seems like exactly what I'm looking for. This program addresses spelling concepts with actual spelling rules. After all the spelling practice, my son just misses the point of spelling.

My husband doesn't know how to float on his back. I've tried to teach him a million times, but after a few minutes I'm frustrated and saying, "You just have to lay there and float! How hard is that?" Similarly, I was always a fantastic speller and find it difficult to teach something that for me never really had to be taught. Hopefully (cross my fingers) this can help. I'll let you know (all none of you LOL).

National Geographic for my Homeschool...

I recently acquired (source will not be named) a teacher's edition of National Geographic Picture Atlas of the World. The version I have is an older one, but thankfully I am still running Win98 on this computer. (Give me a break, we're poor.) Good luck finding such a cd-rom new, but I'm thinking ebay might be a good place to start. In the meantime, you can buy a Kids Picture Atlas from the National Geographic website, which might actually be much cooler than the one I have.

Mine shows a world map, and clicking on any country tells you population, topography, weather, and many other facts about that area, as well as photographs of the people and countryside. There are breathtaking landscapes and even examples of music from that area. My kids have spent hours learning about other places and cultures, and this has become a fantastic addition to our regular world studies.

Grammar Rock...

We had a combined garage sale at a friend's house this weekend. While the men were tending the sale, we ladies went shopping at other sales around town. What's the point in getting rid of all your crap if you can't buy some more crap to replace it, right?

I picked up a cd-rom called Grammar Rock for a quarter (score!), which is a Schoolhouse Rock product. I wasn't sure it would be worth much, considering where I got it (and how much I paid for it), but its fantastic! Bunches of language concepts: sentence structure, vocabulary, verbs & adjectives... you name it. Several fun games and activities. I couldn't be happier with it. You can find this cd-rom as well as a bunch of other learning-related games HERE.

Happy Birthday Noah...

Today marks the 7th year since my Noah was born.

I was 18 weeks pregnant when I started bleeding. Large bursts of bright-red blood. I was at work, terrified, I called for one of the ladies in the office to help me. The bleeding had stopped by the time I got to the doctor's office, and the doctor had no clue what had happened. I was on bedrest, with cramping and more bleeding for the next 4 weeks.

At 22 weeks, I was in the hospital being dosed with as much magnesium sulphate as they could possibly give me. After 5 straight days, my body reflexes were gone, I was delirious and my family was convinced I wouldn't make it through another day. They gave up the mag. sulphate and contractions started pretty heavily. I delivered my son at 23 weeks, unable to survive outside my body. He lived 2 hours.

I still mourn for my lost son. I still miss him terribly. But I rarely cry for him now. My journal entries said, "Thank you God for giving me a healthy child first, so I wouldn't kill myself when you took this one." Thank goodness for the healing powers of time. Now I can smile when I think of him, how sweet he smelled, how beautiful he was, and how lucky we were to spend even those two short hours with him. I will always love you, little Noah.

Regression Into 3rd Grade...

Turns out my son is just plain lost on many of the math concepts in his new 4th grade textbook. Last year, when the teacher gave me all the textbooks, she told me they would be replacing the math book and that I could go ahead and keep that one. Thank goodness I did.

I've decided to review last year's book with my son. If there is something he obviously totally understands, we'll skip on to the next chapter. I was really bothered by the fact that he might be behind (doubted my teaching abilities, doubted the homeschooling thing, got over it), but now I think it doesn't matter if he never gets through the 4th grade book this school year, as long as he understands the material we're covering. Unlike public schools, the fact that he gets it is more important to me that just pushing him along into the next grade. Sure he kind of gets it, but that's not sufficient to me. The first week of school was spent with him crying his way through math lessons, me insisting he knew this material, him declaring he was "too dumb" to do it. No more. Since we've gone back to the 3rd grade book, he happily does his lessons, ask questions about what he doesn't understand and he's learning. Whatever I did wrong last year, I've obviously figured it out this time.

Good luck to us, and to the portfolio evaluator understanding my predicament and finding "sufficient progress" in his work.

Back into the Swing of Things...

A couple of weeks into school and we are moving along smoothly. Mostly my son is reviewing last year's stuff, especially in math. There have been a few things we've just skipped right over, and some things we've had to go over a few more times. My son seems to have completely forgotten how to multiply, even though he did so much of it last year.

Still waiting on those manuals from the school for my daughter, but I have had her practicing some sight words and writing her letters. She knows them all, but I think she lacks the motor skills to write them properly.

The biggest warm fuzzy was my son reading his social studies book, writing about geography and the city he lives in, and telling me, "I like school a lot better now."

Blogs Are Impossible to Maintain...

I'm starting to discover that maintaining a blog is very difficult. I don't have time every day to post, not like anyone is reading it anyway. I'm thinking those people who have blogs they post to daily, even several times daily, either have WAY too much time on their hands or are some seriously dedicated people.

But I don't do this for public viewing. I do this for me. This is a place for my thoughts and ideas, my complaints and rants. That's what its supposed to be for. I write as if someone is reading, but I don't write for the readers. So if you're reading this and are slightly annoyed at the gaps between posts, get over it. I have a life. And when I have time, I'll write about it.