Friday, September 08, 2006

So.. Burnt.. Out...

Last week was cause for a tremendous rise in blood pressure as Vic and I started our dental work. I had a root canal, and he got three fillings and started a root canal of his own all by lunchtime on Friday.

This week, we are halfway through even more dental work. Yesterday I had a tooth pulled, requiring 4 shots before I was numb, and a really lot of pulling, prying, sawing, etc. It was a nightmare and now my jaw hurts so badly I can barely open my mouth to eat. Vic finished his root canal today while I got a filling in the tooth directly above the one they pulled yesterday. We go back tomorrow for more drilling and filling. Before we left today, we scheduled 7 more appointments for the end of the month. Oh the joy.

I have been having a lot of trouble keeping up with the 20 job applications each per week for Vic and I, recorded and turned in by noon each Friday. Trying to manage homeschooling, dental appointments, Vic's work, and 20 appointments filled out, logged and returned is a big load. And I just realized tonight that some paperwork that was supposed to be turned in on September 5th is still sitting on my computer desk waiting for me to fill it out. I really really REALLY hope this doesn't screw us for our assistance. I don't know what I would do if I had to fill all those papers out again, and when you lose assistance you can lose it for 6 months.

My vehicle registration is expired, and will be $162 to renew. Not that it matters, since my car payment is overdue as well, and the finance company calls at least 3 times a day. My property taxes are due. The garbage company called to say they would be stopping pickup if they didn't get a payment by tomorrow. My water is about to be disconnected. My phone and internet too. And you know what? I don't care very much. Well, obviously I CARE, but I'm just not very upset right now.

I am just tired. And my mouth hasn't hurt this bad in my whole life. And honestly, I'm numb to the whole assistance thing. I just go through the motions and fill out the papers and hope we don't lose everything before we make it out of this mess. I can't fix anything, which is frustrating, but there is no reason to worry constantly if there's nothing I can do, right? I am just hoping that within a few months this whole thing will be over. And I'm hoping that when it is over, I will still think it was a good idea. I hope I have no regrets for making these choices. I hope my children can understand. I hope we don't end up in a worse position than before. I hope I hope I hope

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