Wait! I'm too young to be old!...

Yesterday, my older friend paid for us to spend the day at Adventureland Park, a small theme park not too far from our house. The kids had a fantastic time. I on the other hand, have become a gigantic baby about rides.

I used to be fearless. I used to ride every rollercoaster I came across. Repeatedly. If it spun, swooped or dropped, I was all about it. Adventureland has a ride called the Silly Silo, which is a round room where you stand against the wall and spin until you're stuck to the wall, then the floor drops out. I used to ride that when I was tired from the other rides, but otherwise found it boring and lame. Sometime, I'm not sure when, I became a pansy. Swinging too high on the swingset is unnerving to me. That feeling, you know the one, like when you go over a hill in the car really fast, like your stomach is raising up to your throat? Well, that feeling bothers the crap out of me now.

On our last trip to Adventureland (several years ago), Vic talked me into going on the Space Shot, which shoots you 200ft in the air and then you just fall. FALL. 200 feet. "It's not scary," he said, "it's fun." It was horrible. I felt like I was going to throw up or die. Or throw up and die. This time, it was the Sidewinder. I can't describe it accurately, but basically you're spinning and swinging way in the air at the same time. "Try it," Vic said. "Really, it's fun. It's not scary at all. It's really pretty mild. Almost relaxing." I wasn't buying it. "Then why are people screaming?" I asked. "Because it's fun," he said. I watched the intimidating swirling mass of people. "I don't think I want to ride anything that fun." Eventually I caved. He said it was fun. He said I would like it. He's my husband and I trusted him.

He was a big fat liar. I spent the few minutes on that ride clinging to the bars and screaming my head off. I wasn't screaming because it was fun.

What the hell happened to me? I used to be fun, I swear! I was so looking forward to sharing theme parks with my family. Instead it looks like I'll be the mom on the sidelines.